You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
