It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
