Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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