who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
