the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
