You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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