About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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