There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
