i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
