I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
