why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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