I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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