Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
