i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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