Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
