My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
