The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
