Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
