I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
