i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
