Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
