If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
