New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
