How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
