No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
