But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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