No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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