Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
