used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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