Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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