These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
