I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
