she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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