4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
