jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
