That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
