Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
not ubering you a puppy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
