They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please, let me fuck your mom
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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