I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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