I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
