my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
