somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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