I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
