Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
