My Higher Power is John Stamos
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
