The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
