I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
