Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
