what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
