its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
